The 2nd day of my training was on Good Friday. I had done my homework, I had read the book again and again. My preparation was perfect, I thought… But, no…!! (><)
Unexpectedly I needed to present how my first organizing session at the customer went, in Dutch of course… I did a few more group works after that but I was too much under an unknown pressure and I realized suddenly that my eyes were full of tears. I felt totally desperate, because my Dutch would never be as fluent as a native Dutch person and I neither can respond as quickly as they do, no matter how hard I work.
The truth is: this is my Dutch language level. I was too embarrassed and I felt so stupid and totally blocked that I thought I disturbed my partners during the group works. Even though I have cried like a child, showing the most embarrassing face has brought quite good results that I could show them openly; “Look, this is who I am. ” “And I would prefer to do a group works with a trainer rather than with other participants” which made me feel much lighter and more ‘back to myself’.
Still, some participants came to me and said “Emi, let’s do this work together.” Oh, how kind of them! And then the tears came again. This time, tears of joy.
Inferiority against a language barrier has so much impact to pressure myself and make myself convinced that ‘Oh, I am just totally useless. ‘ But NO! Even though I have a language barrier there is nothing wrong with me.
At the end of the day, my trainer Jannie said: “Tears are the proof of challenge and development, that you are getting out of the comfort zone and that you are putting yourself in a fight to learn. Let the tears out and free yourself. ” It is normal and natural that I don’t speak Dutch like a native Dutch people.
If you, the readers of this blog, are facing the same distress like me, please never lose your sparkle because of a language barrier. You are not inferior to anyone at all.
So my Good Friday seemed to be a bad day but yet ended GOOD.
What a day…